On being positive...

I tend to be a pretty positive person. Hence the name, look at the bright side. The trouble is that even the most positive person will have their own dark moments, and after too many dark days, one can start to feel lost. 

That's been the case for me lately. I find myself having more doubts about the future, and less confidence in just about everything but especially myself. Although I don't usually share these thoughts, I feel especially lost when faced with others' emotions. I am supposed to be the eternal optimist, the caretaker and best advice-giver! Yet that role feels like to much of a burden right now. Will I ever feel up to it again? I struggle with feeling like others' problems are so trivial and I know that's not fair. I have a lot of guilt about these feelings, and can't/won't/don't know how to share my thoughts. I'm not a cynical person by nature, but I am struggling to find my compassion and empathy as of late. It's not fair to expect friends to understand the change of heart, nor should I expect any grace when I can't manage to find any myself. 

There is one friend in particular to whom I am so grateful for these days. I find myself calling her to share information I hesitate to even tell my family. Her positive outlook and hopeful nature are exactly what I need. She is almost like my own inner voice, the one I forget to listen to when the doctors and google overwhelm me with information (or the lack of).

For now I guess I'll take it one day at a time, and try to remind myself to see those silver linings.